Hello lovelies and welcome to another activation protocol.
I am so excited for today's topic
because we're talking about how to create the life we want
and the relationship that we want.
Now, I did a podcast
this month on is a relationship helping us create
the life that we want?
Is it supporting it or undermining it?
I wanna deepen into that with you
and talk about what are we creating
and how to go about creating that.
So number one, we have to decide
what it is that we want to create.
A lot of times we're going around just doing our
life by default, banging around like I like to say.
And so we create
the daily experience that we usually have.
We create the same weeks, the same months, the same years.
Usually not that much is different from from moment
to moment or from one timeframe to another timeframe.
We are not really creating intentionally,
we are not really living the life that we want,
and we're not really creating the relationship
that we desire, that we are longing for, that we set out
to have with our partner.
Now, notice that I added with our partner in there,
because a lot of times we get hung up
and we get hung up in thinking that
this is not the right partner, right?
This, we're not compatible,
this is not working, we can't make it work.
And that is not the thoughts to have here.
Let me deepen into that a little bit
and clarify a little bit.
So it's not about whether the partner is the right match
or not, or whether this is working at this moment or not.
That is not the point. Those are the wrong questions.
What we need to do is first of all, decide what kind
of life we wanna have, what
kind of relationship we wanna have.
Then we have to figure out, okay, what is not working?
Why are we not creating the relationship
in the life that we want?
Now, that could be very well be happening
because you don't know what kind of life you want
and what kind of relationship you want.
A lot of times we don't.
We do everything by default and by expectations
and by social norms.
This is the way it should be. This is what I should want.
This is what I wanna achieve.
This is what I want things to look like.
This is, these are the things
that I wanna have, like that kind of stuff.
What we are called to do here, what I'm imploring you
to do is to take a step back
and really connect with your deeper self
and check in deeper self core,
self higher self, and check in.
What am I here to experience?
What kinda life do I want to create?
What kind of life do I wanna live?
What kind of human journey do I wanna have
or human experience?
Do I wanna have? What grand life adventure do I wanna have?
What is my soul here to experience?
Because then when we're aligned with that, what are we here
to do and experience and evolve?
How does our soul want to expand band?
What is the purpose of our life?
What are we, where are we here to do?
Then we could check, oh, am I actually doing that?
Am I lined up against the right wall?
It might, doing all the things.
Am I setup so that I could have that experience starting now
until the end of the day?
Am I on the right course? Am I living that experience?
Am I experiencing that experience? Am I creating that thing?
At the end of the day, we want to make sure that we lived
the life that we set out to live,
that we wanted to have lived.
And if we didn't know, looking back, there's no regrets.
Like, oh, I actually did have a gr a great life, right?
So can we get ahead
and not be in that moment in our future and look back
and be like, Hmm, gosh, that is not what I wanted
to have done, or how I want to have lived
or what I want to have experienced,
or I have so much regret I missed out on so much.
I didn't do all the things, I didn't experience all the
things we like.
That's sucky, right? And at that point, it's too late.
So the point is, hmm,
what do I think at that point?
I would have wanted, that's one way to answer this.
If we are not sure what we want to create and,
and how we wanna go about things,
if you know fabulous,
we're gonna take into that in a second.
If you're still not sure, sit with from, from
the now place and from the then place
and see what you come up with.
At the end of the day, what kind
of life do I wanna have lived?
Or what kind of life do I wanna live?
Okay, so that's what we're trying to do.
Have a picture of that. What does it look like?
What does it feel like? What kind
of accomplishments are there?
What kind of daily routines do you have?
What does the day feel like?
What does your relationship feel like?
What does your parenting feel like?
What kind of children are you molding or influencing
or impacting in, in forging into, into this world
that you leaving as a legacy?
What kind of ac I think I said accomplishments.
What kind of just experience do you wanna have?
What kind of things do you wanna see?
Explore, witness support.
What kind of legacy do you wanna leave?
So play with all of that, right? So that's number one.
Share it with your partner. Check in with each other, huh?
What's yours? What's this is mine. Don't get freaked out.
If they have a different idea, most likely they will, right?
They're a different human being with a different soul,
with a different calling, with a different purpose,
with a different everything.
But what's beautiful about this is that there was a reason
where we are together.
At the end of the day, we're supposed
to be supporting each other in each other's journeys.
That's part of the reason for the match.
We help each other not so much,
or only I should say, in the practical, that's
what we're gonna talk about in a second,
but in, in who we are and who we become.
This is why I always talk about that our partner is a gift
and the perfect match for us,
because they prickle all the things.
They're the mirror to help us see all the things
that we still need to heal, grow,
develop, and all the things.
That's why they're our perfect playmates in the playground
of our relationship, in the game of life, right?
So don't worry that your partner's not compatible,
that they're not the right match.
That is all bogus. They're perfect.
And the key is to crack the codes, to grab
all the gifts that are inherent in this partnership
and in this match,
and to use it to create this grand life experience,
to develop ourselves, to become the best that we can,
to have the best expansion of our soul.
And in the practical, what are we creating?
And they go hand in hand
because you need both to, to have a life, to,
to create the life experience.
So it's not just about everything happening in our head.
It is like you, you actually want to manifest, right?
So how is the relationship,
the dynamics helping with that expansion of ourselves?
And that then shows up in
what we're actually creating out here.
So we're gonna think about all the things that we want
and how we wanna experience, feel, the things
that I mentioned, we're gonna check
with our partner about theirs.
We're not gonna freak out if they're different.
It's totally cool that they are from there.
Then we're gonna go on the same page.
Okay, so what do we have that's similar or the same?
Perfect. Put that aside. What's that?
What are the things that are different
or seemingly totally incongruent and incompatible?
Let's make a s separate list.
Or maybe that you divide that into like really bad
and bad is not the right right word for this.
Maybe you divide then that pile into things
that we could try to get on the same page
and things that are really so out there opposite, different
that mm, we have to come back to that, Right?
So you're, you're, you're gonna have three levels.
We're gonna start with other things that are really similar
and compatible at this moment.
Because once you get momentum and you start synchronizing
and, and, and picking up the rhythm
and getting on the same page, you'll start clarifying
and simplifying and getting more and more
and more in sync that, oh,
like everything else will just kind of follow, follow suit.
And then you might realize that maybe the things
that were really out there are so different
that you don't really care about those things anymore.
Or you'll find a way to make those more compatible
and more, more some something that you both want
or a way of, um,
tweaking molding that, that piece to something
that makes sense for both of you,
even if it was at the beginning.
So out there for your partner.
Now maybe you find a way that it works for them, right?
So don't worry about, like, this is
so different, so opposite.
It doesn't work, it doesn't make sense.
All all of those thoughts, just throw all
that stuff in the bucket.
We're not gonna worry about any of that right now.
We're gonna focus on the things that do work.
We're gonna focus on the things that do make sense.
We're gonna work on making more
and more of that stuff, get integrated and work,
and then that, that will pull everything as along.
Okay? Given all of that, then that means
that now you're on the same page.
We have all these things that we, that we want from there.
Then we're gonna get on the same page about, okay, what does
that mean for the life that we have now in the relationship
that we created thus far?
So you can create a gap list of all the things
that are not really working
or that you would want to improve or enrich
or enhance or move forward.
Whatever language you wanna use, depending on
what the thing is, this is not an opportunity
to beat each other up and to pull out all the things
that is, that are wrong with your partner
or to complain about all the things.
Okay? That's not what we're doing is to find the gap so
that we know, oh, we are here and then we wanna go here.
What is the bridge that we need to build? Okay?
And so you could do this for all areas of life, my health,
my wellness, the, the daily routine, the home,
the parenting career, finances, our relationship,
and even within the relationship, all different areas
of the relationship, right?
How do we communicate? How do we meet each other's needs?
How do we, how's our dynamic?
Do we get stuck in loops,
repeating patterns that we don't like?
Do we align quickly? Do we repair well?
Do we meet each other's needs in terms of connection
and love and affection and fun?
Do we collaborate and create our lives together properly?
Do we have good systems and structures and things?
Share responsibilities that make sense?
And we're gonna dig into all of this as we go.
Notice that those things that I just mentioned belong
to the five elements
of the successful relationship strategy.
So we can talk more about those as we go in our sessions.
If you like, if you, we work privately,
and if not, you can consider working privately
or just look at all the content that talks about this.
So then you're gonna say, okay, so these are the areas.
Then you're gonna narrow it down to what, which
of these areas are really getting on our nerves?
Which of these areas are the most important to us right now?
Which of the areas, if we pull this level,
will make everything so much better, right?
So you're gonna narrow it down.
You can't work on everything at the same time.
So you're gonna narrow down
what you're gonna be focusing on, what life area,
what relationship area.
So you might think, okay, life area relationship is an area
of life, and if I'm working on all these things,
I can't work on the relationship.
I caution you about that logic,
because it's very easy for us to neglect our relationship.
It's already usually at the bottom of the list.
We focus on everything else,
that the relationship goes to the wayside.
And so I would keep both separate, like all the areas
of life and then the relationship.
So keep, treat 'em as equals
because your relationship supports your life hand in hand.
Now that the other areas are not important, okay?
So that's not what I mean, but,
but this is a good way to really have your own back
because the relationship is a mechanism
to help you create your life, right?
So if we treat it that way, everything is so much easier.
So pick an area of life that you guys wanna work on,
and then how do we continue to work on their relationship?
Okay? So maybe another way
to break this down is one life area
and one relationship area that we wanna focus on.
That could be another way to, to kind of narrow this down
so it doesn't feel overwhelming,
because we wanna be really focused
and very nuanced about this
so we can move the needle forward.
'cause once we can momentum, then, then we pull everything
with us and we pick up momentum overall.
If we work on everything, then we don't pick up momentum,
then we get discouraged,
and then it's harder to make change.
So once you have the areas that you're working on,
then the next thing is to really break it down into
what do we want this area to feel like
that's so important.
Usually we worry about like the tangible
and we grind.
We force, we do all these things.
We push ourselves, we worry about discipline and eh, eh,
and we make it so tough for us to stick
to whatever we are committing to doing.
That's because it's, it's only a behavioral
commitment for a behavioral commitment to stick.
We have to do the deeper work
and the deeper hook grab the deeper hook.
And that's feelings, right?
A lot of times that gets lost in translation.
And so if we really connect with what do we want things
to feel, like what are the feelings
and emotions that I want to experience?
What I want this to, how do I want this to go?
Now we, we start moving from purely emotional.
And what would that look like? What would I be saying?
What would I be doing? How would,
how would I be carrying myself?
How would I contribute to the conversation, to the moment,
to the daily routines, to the decisions, to all the things.
Notice how I'm saying that?
Which is the thing that I do all the time,
and hopefully you have picked up on this,
and that is that I'm focused on what I'm doing.
I'm not saying I want my partner to talk like this.
I want my partner to do that.
I want my partner to be like this, right?
That is the wrong focus.
This is where we get stuck all the time.
I'm sorry, just an observation.
Not being judgy, not beating you up.
Just a tiny little bit of tough love,
just calling it like it is.
Because if we regroup here, if we realign
everything, clicks, I promise.
So bring the attention back to you, to your circle, to you
what you can do, how you could show up, how you feel,
because that magnetizes invites, inspires your partner
to give the same,
if we just sit here in an old ways, in a,
with a little ego and in all of our yuck,
and we say to our partner,
you should be elevated how you operate.
You should be doing all these things.
You should, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
But I'm staying here and I'm asking you to be here.
That doesn't make sense at all. Right?
And, and if we are not doing anything different,
we're asking them to be different.
We have no control over what they do.
We're gonna be waiting, be winning a long time, right?
So I say this over and over,
but if I do something different,
they can't respond to me in the old way.
They just, that doesn't add up.
They will have to respond differently.
If I'm yelling, it's okay for 'em to yell,
but if I'm talking softly, most likely they won't yell,
or eventually they'll lower their voice
or they, they'll start soothing
and relaxing if we stay calm, right?
But if we escalate with them,
then we are both going bunkers.
But if we stay different, that invites them to be different
and not just uses that, that as an example,
because I'm thinking that you might be in, in a fight,
and how do you do that differently?
But this is for everything, right? How you invite intimacy.
How do you are courteous? How do you ask for things?
How do you gift, how do you show up?
How do you give affection? How do you speak every day?
How do you share things? I mean, everything.
How we do things, we invite our partner to meet us there.
So sometimes I, I, I'm hearing
you guys like, well, I do these things,
my partner still does the other thing, nobody's perfect.
They might be having a rough time.
So some grades is called four.
They might not catch up to the state that you're in
that quickly, right?
We can't just flip the switch.
So we have to give 'em the opportunity to meet us.
And maybe they don't have the capacity in the moment,
but we set the tone and we set the precedence.
And this is how we start creating change.
I promise you, I've done it myself
and I've done it with all couples.
So if you're struggling with this,
just please hang in there and just trust me.
Just try it and see what happens, okay?
But don't try it for like half a minute
and be like, it doesn't work, right?
You have to give it a shot. Okay?
So then from there we are gonna decide, okay,
so if these are the things that we want to create,
and this is how we, I wanna feel,
and this is what I wanna experience,
and this is how I want things to go in our relationship
and in our life, then what are the the things that we need
to put in place, aside from checking my state
and from showing up the way
that makes sense for me to show up.
Now, what are the practicals, what are the habits?
What are the strategies? What are the behaviors?
What are the tools? What are the, the tactics?
What are the rhythms? What are the traditions?
What are the rituals, right?
What are the things that you put, you're gonna put
in there to help you?
So this is not so much about, I have to remember
to speak in this particular way,
control myself so that this works.
No, once you have an idea of what you want,
you're gonna put all these other things in place
that are gonna carry you.
So it doesn't have to be that difficult.
And you don't have to put everything in place at once.
You start putting one thing, and then the other thing,
and then the other thing, before you know it,
you created a whole system to catch you
and to support you creating the relationship
and the life that you want.
That's what we're here to do.
And so that's why this month is called collaboration,
because we're collaborating in making this happen.
Collaboration is the theme for the month, right?
For September. So you're gonna decide then more than the
practical, what are the things
that we're gonna put in place in
terms of all of those things?
Prioritize, pick the tab
that make the most sense at this moment.
Is it a daily routine? Is it how we do chores?
Is it our responsibilities? Is it how we do our finance?
Just pick an area, right?
And put the things in place to help you manage that area.
Something for yourself, something together right?
Now, narrow it down. What,
in whichever way you want, that makes sense for you.
It could be very, something very concrete in the home.
It could be anything really. Okay?
So, so you, you think for yourself, what is the thing
that's annoying you, that's getting on your nerves right
now, that's creating friction between the two of you?
And put your heads together and,
and process it through this filter.
What is something that we could put in place
to take care of this thing?
It's not a little bandaid and it's not,
and it's not a like a quick fix
or like, let's just chat about it and leave it alone.
Think of a solution that's kind of long term
and it doesn't mean that you put it in place
and you're done with it, and then you get frustrated later.
If, if it's not working, we could always tweak, improve,
upgrade, whatever, but come up with a long term solution.
That's just something like, okay, well
tomorrow, tomorrow we'll do it like this.
And then this is how we pay the bills this, this week.
And then we dunno how we pay the bills going forward, right?
So come up with something that's like a solution
to the thing, and then we could always tweak it
and make it better to improve the system
or the, the, the practice more as you go.
Now when you do that, you can talk to your strengths.
You can divide
and conquer the responsibilities,
the behaviors, the
routines, whatever you're putting in place.
Think about, okay, who makes sense that is in charge
of that, or that takes care of that thing?
Or who's, who takes the lead on that? Who owns the thing?
Okay? So we could think corporate here.
So we're gonna assign this task to somebody,
do this project to somebody.
That person is the boss of that thing.
It doesn't mean, I've seen this
before where couples are like, because I own it.
You can't, you can't, you can't tell me what to do.
You're right. We don't start a partner what to do.
But it doesn't mean that the partner can't get feedback,
can express their own desires, their own preferences.
There's one person I remember, um,
he would say something like, you don't trust me.
I have, uh, how did it go?
Something like, you don't trust me.
Why do I have to run it by you?
And it, and this were like big life decisions.
It had to do with fertility contracts,
like all kinds of things.
And he didn't want the partner to have to, to look at things
with him and to help make decisions.
It just didn't make any sense.
Like, this is, these are pretty significant things.
Yeah, you could lead on something,
but you, you always want your partner
to have a say in the thing, right?
Like, you wanna make sure that you both, both have
your preferences heard.
I mean, you're not gonna have a say like, okay,
do I want this kind of steak
or this kinda steak if I'm going food shopping?
Maybe you do. I mean, like, I take that back.
People do care about their steaks.
So listen, just share the expectations, right?
We want this kind of cereal, this kind of cereal,
this brand, that brand.
Like we do wanna have, have a say,
but it doesn't mean that you're gonna go review the whole,
all the items that are in the shopping cart.
So your partner could place the order.
Like we don't need to micromanage it, ma micromanage
and be that involved, right?
But of course you wanna make sure that, that the,
the choices and selections that you make, it makes sense
and that, that you're both on board with things,
that it works for both of you.
Hopefully that example makes sense
and hopefully the other one didn't sound too, um,
judgy or something like that.
But so you're gonna get on the same page about who's
responsible for the thing
and the person that's not responsible.
They could share some other preferences, desires,
what they would like to see happen,
get on the same page about the
desire, outcome for the thing.
Get, do we want this thing to play out?
And I mean, I'm thinking of all the different things
that you guys might be working on,
but so make it specific, right?
Is it, is it food shopping? Is it chores? Is it finance?
Is is it buying a home? Like, right?
Like you're not gonna buy a home
without your partner's feedback.
I have people have done, people have done that.
That's not the best way to go about life, I promise.
Um, it hasn't worked out very well.
So that's not what we wanna do.
We want to have a say, share the say,
and then allow our partner
of the space to take care of the thing.
If we are the one that's in charge of the thing,
doesn't mean that we don't get any feedback from our partner
and that we completely fly solo
and that we are left to our own devices.
It's still a partnership, right?
Um, so with that, we want to let our wishes
and our preferences known,
or we want to check in about them,
and then we are free to go take care of their thing,
or then we let our partner go take care of their thing.
Then there's a check mechanism, right? Either.
So it depends on what you guys put in place.
If you're, if you're following all the protocols,
then you have a, some kind of a chicken meeting at the end
of the week where you kind of report back on all the things,
how everything go, what didn't go well, what do we need
to fix, do different next time, are all the,
our main big projects
that we're working on is check on them.
Of course, you check in as you could check in on the things
as you go, but sometimes life gets so hectic
and so busy that we don't, and then a lot of time goes by
and then we get really out of sync and resentful.
We feel alone in the project, our point of views
that they have no, no saying things or,
or we get so disconnected from, from the ideas
of we're we're trying to create,
we end up creating something else.
And then, then we create problems.
So you can check in more as you go if that serves you,
but at least have a check-in meeting once a week where you,
you've report on all the things, check on other things,
share all the things, whatever, so
that you stay on the same page about life.
Now, we do have a collaboration
form, checklist, worksheet, whatever you wanna call it.
It's in the tools section tab in the here, in the,
in the membership site.
And I'm gonna put it
also beneath this video.
So you have quick access to it.
You could download it and you could
fill it out with each other.
So if one of the things that you're working on is
how do we create better, better collaboration,
how do we work better together?
We dunno who's in charge of what.
We don't know what all the things are.
My partner does a lot more than I do.
I do a lot more than my partner.
My partner doesn't even exist, right?
So whatever your experiences are that that disgrace friction
for you, we're gonna solve this once and for all.
Go through that sheet and you're gonna assign
all the responsibilities.
You're gonna assign all of the tasks that have to do
with creating a joint life to each other,
or you're gonna delegate outside of you if you
outsource or you're gonna dump.
If there's some things that you do in your life that are
Torturing you and that neither of you want to do, decide if
that's something that really needs to
continue to be done in your life.
Maybe what you don't want anymore.
So look for things that you could stop doing.
Make life as simple as possible.
Get rid of the things, outsource the things,
assign to each other the things.
And when you assign, you're not gonna look at the list
and say, okay, you have 20, I have 20.
We're not doing that, right?
We're not looking for even things we're going to
assign in a way that pulls on our strengths,
on our bandwidth, on our time that makes sense
for shared life.
How are we supposed to split
tasks in the same amount if one person's home all the time
not working and the other one holds a full-time job?
It doesn't make sense, right?
So we're going to divide the things in a,
in an equitable manner, not in an equal manner.
And by your strengths and your abilities
and your skillsets and your joys.
So one of you might love doing spreadsheets and numbers,
and the other one would poke themselves in the eyes if
that was assigned to them, then we know who's gonna do the
spreadsheets and the numbers, right?
Okay. Now you're gonna divide
and assign like that.
So you're gonna divide and conquer your life, all the things
that are part of your life so that you can be
Clearly assigned
or in charge of things so that nothing falls
through the cracks to the best of your ability.
Nobody's perfect. And so
that you can move the needle forward so
that you can create the things that you want.
So you can line up all those things that against the thing
that you wanted to create that we talked about earlier.
So your finances line up with the things
that you wanna save up for, that you wanna invest in
for the experiences that you wanna have, for the purchases
that you wanna make for the legacy
and the impact that you wanna create, right?
If you know what you're creating, then you line up all
of the things against that and you cut out any fat
and any distractions and any noise
and any stuff that doesn't serve you, that doesn't line up
with the life and experience
that you wanna create at the end of the day.
Okay? So the last thing with this is that then you're going
to look at what you end up with, who's in charge of what,
what you're creating, how your finances are gonna line up,
like the whole plan.
And you could get as nerdy as you like with this,
or it could just be as simple as this is the kind
of life that we wanna create.
This is the next thing that we're working towards.
You do this, I do that. Everything else is fine for now.
Unless, unless you having friction
and you have an issues, then you're gonna dig
in more and more, right?
So you're gonna go as granular as you want to,
and as your life calls for and as your, your, your minds
and your brains work, whatever,
there's no right or wrong way of doing this.
You're gonna do as much or as little as you want, as much
or as little as makes sense for your flow.
Then you're gonna integrate what you ended up with into
your systems, right?
So you're gonna have an app to track things.
You're gonna have a shared calendar.
You, you're gonna have an inbox, a physical inbox somewhere
where you, all the papers that come to the house, go, go,
that you guys could review, you can have a spreadsheet,
you're gonna have share, Google Drive, whatever,
whatever makes sense for whatever you're working on.
You're gonna put the tangible,
the practical in place to support you.
You can create little systems.
This is how we do the lunch boxes in the
mornings or at nighttime.
This is where we leave the backpacks packed
and ready to go the night before.
So in the morning, we're not going crazy,
getting the kids off to school.
This is when we do homework.
This is, there's no devices being used
until the homework is done, right?
This, for, for those of you who have older children who
of school age and, and you're struggling with this, this is
how we do the bedtime routine.
This is how we get childcare or aftercare
or whatever, so that we have time
to ourselves personally.
And as a couple, this is
how often we go on dates.
This is what kind of dates we create.
We have a whole dating protocol.
Check out the tool tab, download that.
It help you walk through making dating really good,
not just the most basic version of dating.
And you don't even feel like you have a romantic
relationship with your partner.
Sometimes that's all that life allows us to do,
and that's fine too, no judgment.
But the more that we step it up on the things
that are important to us, the more that we get out of 'em,
the more that we invest, the more the return on our,
on our investment, okay?
And then you gonna create a little systems,
then you're gonna do a time map.
And this might not be for all of you, right?
So just think it as with anything that I say, if it fits,
fine, take it in.
Do the thing. If it doesn't fit, leave it.
Not everything that I say makes sense for everybody, right?
Like you all have different lives in different,
different situations, different needs, whatever.
But when I say time map, you gonna decide
what if are they are rhythms on specific days of the week?
Like for example, I have client days, I have
creating content days, I have team meetings,
days like that kind of thing.
And you can honor it, do the best that you can.
Some, sometimes there are, you know,
spillovers here and there, whatever.
We don't have to be rigid. So that's one idea.
Another idea could be for those of you
who don't run businesses or,
or are more restricted in, in terms of how you do your days,
it could be, okay, so this is work time and then family time
and the family time or personal time.
At the end of the day, what does that look like?
What does the evenings time look like?
Was family time was me? Time was couple time.
And again, we don't have to be rigid.
We don't have to, we don't have to account for all
of the minutes and map it all out.
We don't have to be too strict with all of this.
But having somewhat of a map help helps us integrate
everything and balance everything
and have all the things that we want.
You see? Now, I know that a lot of you also work evenings,
so you have very different schedules.
Work with what you have.
The more that you are tuned to this
and that you are intentional about this, the more
that things will go smooth
and that you'll cover all of your bases
and the more resource you will be
and the better your relationship will be
and the better your life will be.
So put your thinking caps on
and look at your, your, your schedule for the week,
your average schedule for the weekend.
And some of you have rotating schedules, right?
All the things people have. Parents who travel all the time.
Some of you have are on call and some weeks
and some weeks you're not on call with your doctors.
I mean, there's all kinds of things going on, right?
For, for, for you guys. So just tailor this
to your own situation, but look at what your commitments,
your schedules, your, your regular life.
You also have those of you who, who have in-office days
and work from home days, this many days in the office,
this many days work from home, right?
So what does the week look like?
Generally, there will be exceptions
and you could change things around or,
or you, there was a rotation, you build your rotation into
that if your schedule rotates.
But generally what does it look like?
And then you say, okay, so on the days that the,
the schedule is like this, this is what we do,
you see on the dataset schedule, it's like, this is
what we do on, and, and you do the whole week.
So you might have Monday, Tuesday looks a certain way,
Wednesday looks a certain way.
Thursday, Friday looks a certain way.
Um, and you might already have this by default in your life,
but just because either you're here or you're here, right?
It's just kind of already built in.
But if you're really intentional about it, you could say,
okay, this is what the routine is like on these days,
on these days, I could actually have
more personal time in the morning.
Or this is what the evening routine looks like.
This is when you are in charge. When I'm in charge.
And that's what that looks like with the kids.
Night routine, bedtime, all that kind of stuff, you see.
So you could be a lot more intentional about it as opposed
to haphazardly go into like,
I'm in the office, I'm not in the office.
I'm, I'm on call. I'm not on call me.
Like, okay, you do the thing, I do the thing.
Oh, I was supposed to do the thing, right?
Like, hmm, that's crazy making, right?
So when you guys share that you live like that,
oh my gosh, my heart goes out to you.
Let's make a system, right? Let's clarify all these things.
And again, you don't have to be rigid about it,
but if you have a general plan, right?
You know how things flow
and you could always say, let's do it differently today,
but at least you know what it's supposed to look like.
So you're not guessing all the time.
I'm making things up by, so you go
and just creating more friction and you're tired
and you're hungry, the kids with respect of something
and then something else is happening
and then they're, they're giving you a hard time.
Just mayhem. Create the system
and you could always tweak it or do something different.
If something, if you feel like it's doing something
different, you could sit like, you
know what, let's do it different today.
I'll take care of this. You take care of that.
Maybe we have pancakes for dinner today instead of, instead
of regular dinner or breakfast or for breakfast.
You could do whatever you want. But if you have a general
idea of how things work, everybody knows what to expect.
And then you could always change it up for fun and for cakes
and just because how feeling, okay, that removes all
of the friction, that removes all of the heartaches
that you guys share a lot of the times.
And, and, and then from having to work
so hard at managing the friction that got created, right?
And then all the triggers and the fights and all the things.
So you get ahead of it, this is what we're doing.
Okay, good. So this might sound like a lot of work.
I'm not sure if it sounds like a lot of work, I'm assuming.
I'm trying to think if there's a, I'm trying to think
of any resistances that you might have to what I'm saying.
So I could think of what to offer to help you along. Okay?
So I'm not sure if it sounds like a lot of work,
but you keep it as simple as possible.
Decide what you want, decide who's gonna, how,
what you gonna have to create, who owns what parts,
a checking in system to keep things moving.
And then how do the days look like?
What is the cadence to things?
So your system catches you in a nutshell, okay?
And put the most basic things in place
and then you could air more and more as you go.
As as one thing gets ingrained, then you're ready
for the next thing and then you're ready for the next thing.
Before you know it, you move the floor up.
This is your new normal now. Now down here, now you're here.
And then from there, from the higher place,
you're living in a life
and you keep racing the floor, right?
So you keep making the better cadences, the better systems,
the better things, the new normal.
And then you're ready for the new normal.
So you're always upgrading without
making life hard.
You just keep making it better just because you, you can and
because it's why not, right?
Whereas are we supposed to do,
you just keep making it better.
But we don't have to struggle. We're not changing
and upgrading things because we're struggling and fighting
and forcing the thing and you know,
that's not how we wanna do it.
We want to set that baseline and then keep upgrading
and making it better and better and better and better.
Okay, my love, hopefully that helped create
more collaboration.
Check out the tools that I shared.
I'm gonna put some links at the bottom.
Check out the tools tab
for additional things that you might need to support.
You know this. In there we have a time mapping tool,
we have a habits rule, we have
planning, visioning
protocols, setting goals.
We have like all the things, right?
So just go look and dig in there, see
what you need, download it, and play with it.
So you have all the processes
and all the systems that you might need to work
through everything that I just talked about.
Okay? So have fun.
Bring any, any questions or,
or any places where, where you might need more new ones
or more feedback or help or tool that you can't find
or that you don't know which one would apply
or help bring into session.
We'll chat about it and help you
and we'll make it all happen.
Okay? Mylo, thank you so much for watching
and I will see you at the next one.
Bye.