Hello, love Lisa, and welcome to another
activating protocol.
And today we're covering boundaries and self-love
because those two things go hand in
hand very closely.
And when we are not good at those things,
they make a codependent pattern worse in our
relationship and in our life.
And so what we want to do today is delve into
boundaries, how to do the self-care slash self-love.
I'm gonna show you why this is important,
and I'm gonna split this time to set this up as
to timing of the year, what's going on right now,
how this ties together into the summer theme,
into the July theme,
and how to use those two lenses
to help us get unstuck if we are feeling stuck
and moving forward in our relationship and in our life.
So the first part, I'm gonna do a quick setup
and explain some other things.
And in the second part,
I'm gonna give you two main boundaries.
And with them, each one's gonna have a couple
of things in them to help you integrate them
seamlessly into your life
and start getting the momentum that you want.
And we are at that part of the year, mid-year reset.
And July is an awesome month for that. It's a slower month.
Our theme for the month is bask,
and it's a perfect time to slow down, take, stack,
reset, and to line ourselves up
for the second part of the year.
So that's part of the concept in the setup
for why we're tackling this topic.
And those two perspectives on self-love
and the boundaries are gonna help us reset,
re own, re realign shift so
that we can put ourselves in a different frame,
in a different, uh, mindset, in a different energy,
in a different perspective, so that we set ourselves up
for a better part of 2025.
Okay? So I'm gonna start by,
by diving into that a little bit more.
And then, like I said,
part two is gonna be the two boundaries, specific boundaries
that I wanted to show you today.
And what I find is that
not only myself,
or I should say it applies to myself as well,
but I see it in you guys when we have conversations in terms
of how you do in your life.
And even when I connect with people outside of the practice,
whether it's in social media
or all the contexts in my life
and network in circles, whatever,
and all, all of the places that we all have a bit
of a guide perspective
or approach to our life, we kind of put our heads down
and we go, go, go.
We're in due mode.
All of our meetings are accounted for
or wasted, I should say,
but not properly intentionally used so
that we get the most out of our life
and out of our, our investment in our everyday.
And so that grind idea in way of being
disconnects us from ourself, from our higher self,
from our bodies, from our higher perspective,
from the universe, from God, from our higher power.
And we in turn become just
doing meat suits.
Terrible analogy. I know it's disgusting,
but we be kind like this little humans running around,
banging around, trying to make things happen in this life
with our just two little hands
with a little energy every day.
And with our counted minutes
and with a very low perspective.
And from the grind
and with our lower self really disempowered
and with all of our patterns driving everything,
it's just really not a cool way of doing life, right?
And so when we operate from like that perspective
with like we have this blinders on, we are so small,
we are not energized, we're not juiced up,
and we don't have all the benefits from operating from
a higher perspective.
We are muscling life, we are grinding, we are struggling,
we're fighting friction every day.
We're creating and fighting friction.
We're like, we just, we're spinning our wheels.
And when we are, are doing that,
we are just creating more noise in our life.
We are not comfortable with ourselves.
We create all kinds of funny business.
I'm gonna show you in a second all the things
that we do when we don't have good boundaries.
And this is just a really hard way
of doing our relationship in our life ourselves,
our relationship in our life.
What I want us to do is to like not be so hung up
in the weeds, not to like lose the forest for the trees
to kind of pick up our head a little bit
and take stock of how am I doing my every day?
How am I doing my life?
How am I showing up to my relationship?
How am I showing up to myself?
How am I approaching this, this gift
of being alive and having a human experience?
Am I doing it the right way for me?
Am I going about this in a way
that I'm having the best human experience that I could have?
Hey, some people might join to have a crappy
by definition human experience, and that gives them joy
because that's what they're sole contracted to come do.
What I don't know, to each their own.
But most of us don't necessarily wanna struggle, right?
Like that. We, we, we didn't consciously sign up for
that in this, in our human version of ourselves.
We may have signed up that at other our soul level,
but at the end of the
day, we really don't wanna be suffering.
And so how can we learn the lessons
and having a human experience and do all the things
and have the life in a way
that it makes it a grand human experience that we
Get the, the most out of this experience, right?
I am always, I'm always using this filter when I,
when I do this recordings and when I create content
and when we have conversations.
'cause I wanna elevate us in, in, in this, right?
So I use this for myself.
Like whenever I'm feeling like a little wobbly
or a little walka dole, I reset myself by,
by bringing this lens back in.
I'm like, wait a second, wait a second.
Let's not get, let's not little am I take charge now,
little am I, mm, that not so skilled, not so wise, not so
knowledgeable, not so gifted, right?
And so when I, when I make that conscious choice,
automatically all the things free align
and I'm operating from much better place, right?
So that's what we wanna do.
And the key is
how do we remind ourselves to do that with it?
To say to ourselves, now, wait a second, wait a second.
Why is little, am I in charge, right?
Or little Jane, or, you know, you,
how do I access the, the, the higher version of myself that
would help me have more joyous and more wonderful
and more grand experience?
We forget that when we're in the weeds, we forget
that we have different access.
Like, it's so interesting how this works.
Like we, when we're in the weeds, we're in the weeds,
it's very hard to pick up our heads and like,
and look at the whole forest.
So the key is then
what do we have to do?
What do we have to put in place?
What do we have to reprogram?
Whatever, all the things I'm gonna show you as we go so
that we don't forget.
And so that we have our own vaccines so
that we set ourselves up properly so
that we don't get stuck.
Because the other perspective, we just kind of keep, keep,
keep grinding, keep spinning,
or keep running in this little hamster wheel.
Like we just kind of, right?
And we don't make the progress that we want.
We don't enjoy the things that we want.
We just struggle, friction, and all these things.
And that's just feels, life in our relationship feels stuck.
It is like we're in bondage.
We make a contract or we have a deal to be miserable.
Like we chain ourselves to our circumstances,
to our situations, to our mindsets.
It we are not free, right?
And so this is a perfect theme for this month.
I, I love July one of my favorite months.
The theme, as I said earlier, is bask.
And it implies slowing down,
pausing, taking those breaks to reassess, to
reclaim our freedoms.
This is the month of, uh, the independence.
And it's a perfect time to kind of slow down pause
and say, am I own in my freedom?
Am I taking advantage of my freedoms?
Or am I keeping myself in bondage?
Am I keeping myself not exercising all the freedoms?
Do I not see choices in everything?
Do I feel like I don't have a choice or an option?
That is so not true? That's a mindset.
And so, you know,
as I said that I, I, I hear you guys like,
you don't know this, you don't know the other thing.
And I, well, you dunno my circumstances
or like, you know, my circumstances.
So let me share this, which I usually like
to do when we have this kind of conversation,
or when I do this piece of content.
And, and that is, um, referenced Viktor Frankl,
the psychiatrist that was stuck in a Germany
concentration camp during World War ii.
And despite the ities that he experienced,
he was able to create a whole theory
slash approach to wellness and healing
and empowering and, and experiencing freedom and happiness
and evolving ourselves in the worst of the conditions.
He was still able to have that freedom to create.
Like if somebody in those clinicians could do it, like a,
any of us could do it, you know?
And so if you're interested in that perspective,
check out his book, I think it's called, um, the Search
for Meaning or,
or a Man Search for Meaning, something to that effect.
So Vitor Frankl, you know what?
I might just, I might link that here
for us so you can have it.
Um, so
below the video you will see this just for kicks.
Why not? And so what I want us
to do is reset here a little bit and, and pause
and create this, this, this little bit of a break,
this little bit of like, boy, wait a second.
I kind of, let's, let's reran, let's reset, right?
Using this month, it's a little slower.
Next month, also slow.
But next month we start setting up for like, the rest
of the year, more close back to school and all that stuff.
So this is the month where we use this slower rhythm
of summer to take advantage of this pause, this slower
movement, this more spaciousness in our schedules
and in our routines
and in our activities to be with ourselves more
and to realign, to take ownership of
who we are, of our higher perspective,
and to put the things in place to help us stay in
that realignment when we get busy again, more busy.
So this mid-year reset is just fabulous for that,
to take advantage of the slower pace, to take advantage
of this theme of the freedom, the bask and the freedom
and the slower pace so that we can reset
to own our power and not to be in bondage
and be stuck in our situation, in our circumstances,
and in our patterns.
So having said all that, let me check up my notes here.
What we wanna do is then put the things in place
that will help us pick up our head, remind ourselves
to pick up our heads when we're stuck right on,
on when we are, when we shift it back down
to like a little self and like a little frictions
and a little grinding.
And what will help us remember what would help us pick up,
pick up our head and be like, wait a second, right?
Let's, let's, let's re-empower ourselves.
Let's, let's reconnect, let's do all the things so
that we operate from a different place, not from bandage.
We operate from choice and from
freedom and from empowerment.
Okay? So that's kind of like the setup,
but I wanna offer then is
what else this looks like when we are stuck,
what else it looks like when we're not owning ourselves
and what else it looks like when we are not
exercising proper boundaries, when we're in that grind,
not owning ourselves and we don't have good boundaries all
over the place, what that actually looks like.
So I'm gonna read some stuff that I have written.
I'm gonna put a link at the bottom of the video for this
as well, is the, the boundaries
that I have in the tools tab,
but I'll link it here for your convenience as well.
So some signs
or symptoms of having port boundaries and what they create.
So an over commitment is schedule has just jam packed
and being over committed, having a lot of responsibilities,
anger management issues, un kept promises,
lies, and exaggerations, right?
So, so sometimes we, we just kinda like, oh, oh, right?
Or we cover things up like white little lies
or we make up stuff like these are all signs
of not fully owning, owning ourselves and our power.
Like we feel that we we have to hide things
or like make them things bigger so it's not fully owning,
being authentic, right?
Our own authenticity, who we really are
perpetual complaining, gossiping
and whining, right?
So we're just throwing up like just spilling up the mouse.
Just like everything's like, there's no filter.
Like it's just everything's like me, right?
Whining and whining, complaining, just chatting away
and talking about all the people and all other things.
The other one is a poor sense of self and confidence.
This one might be hard for some people to own.
Depends on what state we are in.
I, a lot of these might be hard
to own if we're really in the weeds head down just grinding.
But if we are able to have any sort of self-agency,
if we could own these, whatever was playing out for us,
this one is harder.
If we have a stronger ego, if we have a stronger, like,
you know, if we think good things about ourselves,
we could still have portions of self import confidence.
So it might be harder to own if we have
the other side too, right?
And so what I want us to get in touch here is that
we could think highly of ourselves and do great things
or whatever, and still have somewhat
of a poor sense of self.
This is definitely true for our achievers.
Overfunctioners, they're compensating,
they're making up for stuff, right?
So they don't feel so good. So they have to prove themselves
just saying if the shoe fits.
And so just playing with that, how to rebuild
that confidence in that sense of self.
Now, right now I'm not not giving
solutions for fixing all these things.
I'm just gonna listing the things. Okay?
So just bear with me. Another sign or symptom is addictions.
And, and that's hard to own too.
A lot of times we overindulge in things
and we don't own that.
That could be an, an addictive element there.
Um, health issues, financial issues, parenting issues,
relationship issues, just just the practical of life issues.
Just things break, things don't work.
Just problems, always problems,
always things not not be going, right?
Having a dissatisfying relationship with our partner where,
where it might be hard to own, there's codependence there,
but there's, the dynamic is funky and, and,
and you have a hard time cracking the code.
So there are a lot of different patterns playing out there.
And the overarching pattern is the codependence pattern.
High tolerance for inappropriate treatment.
We put up with nonsense from people.
And when I say that, it doesn't mean that now we go
telling everybody off and shutting everybody out
or cutting everybody off or doing all these things
because we're no longer tolerating better treatment.
That's not what this means. Okay?
So I'm gonna get to how
to take care of these things as we go.
Um, but when we have poor boundaries, we're likely to
put up with neglect, abandonment, abuse,
and I use those words lightly, right?
So there's a whole range for each,
each one of those is a whole spectrum.
So it could be a little bit or a whole bunch,
but we put up with it.
We have high tolerance for all of that.
We have a tendency to disengage socially.
We have difficulties dealing with stress.
We have difficulties adjusting to new situations
and integrating new experiences.
I'm gonna add in here, I don't think I have it, do I?
I don't think I do. So I'm gonna add here.
We have difficulties receiving good stuff.
We, we feel entitled, like we should get stuff,
but then we can't receive it when it's
given or when it's available.
It's interesting, the other way plays that as well in
that we think that we, we don't necessarily think it,
but it's the driver at someplace
that we are not worthy of things, right?
That's why we, we can't receive it.
Or we're like, no, no, no, that's too
much I can't take or whatever.
So, so we have that humble kind of, kind of approach,
but is it really humbleness?
There might be something else there,
Else there. And the other piece is
coming up as I'm saying these like,
like an entitlement kind of feel to, to our
positioning and our mindset.
But in reality it's not coming from a place of worthiness,
it's coming from a place of control and management
and just manipulation.
Just if it's going from a funky place,
it's more like entitlement rather than worthiness.
There's a difference. Okay?
So hopefully that was helpful there.
Like that nuance, we could play with that more.
If you're interested in that angle, just, um, again,
put it in a different places, email community
or bring it up in session and we could chat.
Then the other one is lack
of personal accountability and follow through.
This one is huge. How many
of you complain about your partner not following through
or for yourself, knowing
that you don't keep your word, right?
That you can be trusted or that your partner can be trusted
or both of you can be trusted.
You both say things and you just don't follow through.
You don't keep your promises, your word, your intentions.
Like you say stuff and it means nothing, right?
So that one's pretty big, and I would totally be careful.
This is one of the ones that I would play with.
Uh, if, if I, if I'm choosing, well, I take that back.
Some of you might have some, some
of these other things being very prevalent
that definitely need attention.
So I said that because that's one of my pet peeves.
No, no follow through or accountability, Hmm, from anybody
that just really gets my nerves.
Um, so a little of me just got in there,
but you don't have to prioritize that one.
Obviously you prioritize if you're
gonna choose what to work on.
I just, some of the ones in here that are,
that are more in your face, that are more yours.
So definitely own what's what's your, your flavor that
that needs to be addressed.
Okay? And then the last one is unachieved goals,
dreams and visions.
So you feel like you just can't make headway in life.
Like you feel kind of stuck, like you can't get to
where you wanna go or, or you're behind your peers
or you're behind whatever measuring stick you're using.
So these are all signs of poor boundaries slash drivers
of codependency and just a stuck life
and not, not a real
owning yourself life being disconnected.
That being in that grind
and being in that disconnected place creates all
of these things because it's not, you're not
flowing from your highest intention,
from your highest perspective, from your higher self.
Therefore, all this funkiness gets created. Okay?
So that's how it shows up.
And, and as I listed those things, I'm sure, sure
that you could very much relate to a lot of those
that's very prevalent in your relationship and in your life.
Um, so don't worry, we're gonna address things.
I'm gonna show you what you need
to put in place to help yourself, okay?
But before I do that, I wanna do a quick mini
teaching moment about boundaries.
I don't talk about this too often.
Usually you talk about the circles when we talk about
boundaries, which I'm gonna bring up in a second
in the, in the second part.
But a cute little visual
for understanding boundaries better is that the purposes
of boundaries of how boundaries are necessary.
So for starters, imagine the analogy of you,
you have a house, you a yard like property, right?
So, so then you could imagine that the, the
boundaries define us.
So they're like defense around your yard.
They keep all this stuff in.
That's like the circle that we usually talk about.
They protect us. They could have imagine that defense
that has barbed wire, right?
So they keeps the, the intruders or the bad stuff out.
They empower us.
We could, the, we could do whatever we want
with our yard, within our yard.
That's our playground. We could do whatever.
We could plan blue flowers, we could plan pink flowers,
we could have a pool, we could have whatever we want.
It organizes us within the
yard there.
We have responsibilities,
we have things that we need to be doing.
We have to mow the grass, the lawn.
We have to water the plants if we want them
to stay pretty, right?
We could hire services to take care of some of these things.
We could do it ourselves. Our partner could do it.
We could decide who does what.
Uh, kids could help if they have kids in they're
of age, whatever.
But at the end of the day, we are responsible for
what this year looks like.
So this year is an analogy.
So you don't necessarily need to be responsible for, for you
that you are working your home,
but you're responsible for the,
for whatever happens in in the analogy of your yard, right?
Like the yard is yours.
So you have to take care of your yard. It promotes us.
So if you have the most gorgeous yard on, on the street,
people are gonna notice if you could show it off.
And it keeps us
engaged and involved and, and focused.
It preserves us. Um, it creates a lifestyle.
It helps us, it gives us a purpose and a mission
and something to focus on.
It affirm us, right?
Again, we could get an award
for having the best yard in the neighborhood.
And so boundaries do a lot of things for us.
And you could take this beyond the analogy of your property
and your yard and your home to how else,
how you show up to your life.
So it applies to, to all areas of your life, right?
So, so to everything.
So hopefully that way of looking at boundaries helps that
they have a lot of benefits.
They're very instrumental.
So they do all of those different roles.
And then we could think about when we integrate
boundaries into more concrete,
practical things in our every day,
we could keep those definitions in mind, right?
So like, are we covering all of our bases?
Are are, are all the different things taken care of?
All the different ways that boundaries show up are,
are they taken care of by how I'm doing my life?
So for, for example, maybe my face doesn't have barbed wire.
I let people mistreat me.
I tolerate the poor treatment like we were saying
before, right?
So, so you could translate those definitions into,
into the practical, how they show up if you don't have
those boundaries in place.
And then what do we need to do?
What do we need to put in place to take care of it?
So we do have the protection also, also
that we do get an award for having the best yard look.
What does that mean? So you can play with that.
So that's part one, this conversation.
The next part is the two
boundaries that I wanted to teach you.
And I say teach you, you know, just, just, uh, just
to use a phrase for what I'm doing,
but you may already know this.
And knowing something doesn't mean that we're do,
that we do it or that we apply it, or that's integrate it
or that we are heating it.
And so maybe it's a reminder's, not so much teaching,
but for you, some of you might be new, new.
So it is a teaching moment, regardless if you know this
or not, that's not relevant.
Listen with all the different ears so that you could
refresh, integrate, uplevel, implement, integrate,
do all the things I need to do with these two boundaries
that I'm gonna show so
that you could take things to the next level.
So you could use this month as a reset for real.
Like really put yourself in a different perspective,
different path, different alignment.
So the rest of the year is easier and thereafter. Okay?
Okay? So the first one is investing in yourself.
Now that's the boundary.
Because when we don't invest in ourselves,
we dilute ourselves.
We are spread thin. We're all over the place.
We give ourselves everywhere, right?
So we, we thin ourselves out.
Like imagine this, this is a weird analogy.
So imagine that, that just, you just give of yourself,
like your whole, you're just giving,
giving, giving, giving, giving.
And there's no more self. So that
is a lack of boundary.
So investing ourselves, reconstructs us, reconstitutes us,
and contains us,
Enriches us, right?
So that's, that's what we're,
that's what we're shooting for.
So three ways of doing that.
Number one, I love this
and I pedal this one all the time, is having somewhat
of a morning routine where you nourish yourself, where you
connect with yourself, where you realign with yourself,
where you connect
with your higher power, with your inner core.
So in mindfulness, practice breathing techniques,
sitting and journaling, having a cup of coffee,
and just contemplating, just like any practice
that just kind of brings you back to yourself, right?
Yoga,
walking, whatever.
Being with yourself for a few minutes
without getting on all your gadgets
and taking care of business first thing in the morning
and running around, or just being so noisy
and reactive.
How do we come back to ourselves
and stay in that alignment with ourself?
This is huge. If we do nothing else
but this for a few minutes every day,
we're way ahead of the game.
I know notice a massive difference in my own
self and in my own life.
When I take those few moments
and when I don't, I feel very, very, very differently.
My brain grinds more, I'm more reactive, I'm more sensitive,
I'm more, um,
picky controlling.
I got, I don't know. There's, there's a flavor
when little is in charge.
So connecting to ourselves aligns us
with the higher self in, in the higher self,
raised from a much more liberated, freedom, empowered,
radiant, wisdom, gifted place, inspired, like,
just all the yummy things.
So that alignment automatically elevates us to operate from
that, that higher place.
That's what we want. So that's one, two
in that realignment, we gotta, you know what,
let me teach you a little trick here with this one.
I don't think I've ever shared this.
So we wanna realign with like, the essence of ourselves,
with our mission, with our purpose, with the experience
that we wanna have on this, in this life, in,
on this planet, on this journey.
And so what I like to do is like a little
visual, if you may.
So see if this serves you.
And imagine, like, imagine your, your whole self.
And it's like a line here, right?
And imagine this, imagine like you're a compass
and this, this your center.
You align your center like move your body.
So this is a very energetic, um, exercise.
So make sure, make sure you're grounded first
before, before you try this.
Otherwise it's not, it's gonna maybe not resonate
or you're not gonna, you might not get much out of it,
but if you, you're in a meditative, relax, atune to place
and then, then do this.
And you, you and you'll, you. It's interesting.
So, so take a few deep breaths, align with yourself,
connect, chill, feel, feel yourself in your body,
feel yourself in the moment.
Then imagine the center, right?
And when you imagine your center, then see if you like,
like align your body.
See like close your eyes and just kind of feel for it.
Align with, oh, where's my path?
Like, hmm, okay, my, my my, my path is this way.
It's not here, it's not here,
it's not, I'm not turned around.
It's a little bit this way. I had no idea what that means.
The logical mind can understand these things.
This is not a logical exercise, it's an energetic exercise.
It's a much more subconscious underlying, like all,
all the woo woo places.
And so don't try to neurologically you won't,
you won't be able to if, if you can fabulous.
But don't even bother.
But try that and see how you feel like you just realigned
to where you're supposed to be.
And then follow that. That's your true north.
That's your path.
So whenever you feel like a little discombobulated,
you're like, okay, where's my alignment?
Right? Take the few deep breaths first, align with yourself,
like connect with yourself
and then align with your path
with your true north, with your guidance.
Woo hoo. So I do this, my meditation every morning.
So super empowering.
It feels like automatically you just feel like all your,
all your strengths, all your energy feels
and everything just kind of like rearrange
themselves and align properly.
So hopefully that serves you
and you didn't, you don't think of me as being too woo woo.
Now, if you didn't know that already, okay, um,
then you might wanna journal on this, right?
So what does that mean to me in that kind of alignment?
What does it mean to connect with that?
What does it mean to be connected
to your purpose, to your north?
No. Like, where are you going or,
or going implies that there is a destination of some sort.
Um, so I'm gonna rephrase that.
Uh, let's see, who are you becoming?
Who are you being? Are you being you, right?
When we're in little Emma mode or little US mode,
and we covered up with mocked up with all of our patterns
and all of our halves and all of our junk,
and we're like, you know, we could barely move
with all the weight that we put on ourselves,
and we just, all of our radiance
and all of our awesomeness is just covered up.
Like, no, we're not gonna have a good life
when we operate from that place.
And so when we start sharing all the crap, repowering,
all the things, letting go of the owning ourselves,
aligning, coming forward
and livening our, we allow our radiance out,
that's a very different experience, I promise.
And so our job is to do that.
And then from that place, what are we trying to do?
What kind of life do we wanna have, right?
What is the purpose of our life?
It doesn't have to be a purpose
or a cause like I'm gonna save the whales, right?
So sometimes this language gets misinterpreted,
but what is the meaning of my life?
What kind of life experience do I wanna have?
What is my purpose? What kind of purpose?
How do I, how do I set up my life
with purpose, right?
And so there's also two flavors to that.
The masculine is accomplishing, getting things done,
structuring and creating something.
The feminine is more of the being the experiencing
the, the feeling.
And you can marry the two.
And then what is the flavor
of your life that you want to have?
And how is your current life now, living up to it.
Don't judge, don't beat yourself up.
Don't blame it on your partner.
It's not your partner's fault, right?
This is a boundary thing. You have to own everything.
Everything is a choice. You allow this to happen.
I'm not beating you up. Just an observation.
And, and if you say, well, I'm not gonna allow it anymore,
and then you go beating on your partner,
that is not what I'm talking about.
Okay? Now, allowing things
and not, not being in for things anymore
or that kind of radical
approach is great,
but it doesn't mean that we go about knocking down doors,
kicking in doors, beating people up,
beating up on our partner,
because we're no longer gonna put up with certain things.
That is not the approach,
that is not true ownership and true power.
So I'm showing you as we're going the right way, okay?
So that connection to self would automatically elevate you
how your self doesn't operate that way.
You see, then you realign with your purpose.
You meaning what kind of experience you wanna have.
You give it words, you give it flavor, you journal on it,
you, you, you describe it, you make it practical.
Practical. Like what is the daily day, the day,
the daily routine, the daily experience, what does
that look like and feel like the week, the month,
the half the year, the next half of the year, the,
the next chunks
of time in like what kind of life you wanna create.
And then the third, the third one
with this investment in yourself is creating
and integrating and adding more joy into your life.
Now, sometimes people go about this a little funny.
That's why I wanted
before to explain some of those
flavors of lack of boundaries.
Because some people say, well, this gives me joy
and their stuff in their face with pie and cookies or beer
or wine or all those substances, they're overspending.
They're going, okay, this gives me joy
and how these vacations can, they,
they can afford it, whatever, you know.
So no judgment, but just check yourself.
Joy doesn't mean spending money in order indulging.
So you define for yourself what gives you joy
in your highest good, not joy
for the sake of joy in the moment.
And it's, it's not good for you.
There's no point in that, okay?
That's not what that, that's not what we're signing up for.
This is all within integrity into your,
for your highest good
and for the good of all, everything I say say
always with those intentions.
Okay? So sprinkle in what are the joyful things?
First of all, journal on that. Make a list.
Make your bucket list for the summer
and start scheduling in
the joyful moments, the joyful activities,
the joyful commitments, the joyful things.
Don't overschedule yourself. That's not the point.
Build a the little habits or the little space
or the little things, the little practices into your routine
that really nourish you from within.
It's not about external things.
It's not, it's not about signing up
for all the things and spending all the money.
That's not the point. Okay?
All right, now have it Number two, I'm sorry.
Uh, boundary, boundary number two.
This one is about owning ourselves more
and not owning other people.
The first one was investing like realigning, nourishing
and giving us all the joy and all that kind of stuff.
This one is about ownership, slightly different.
And this is where the circles come in
that we usually talk about, right?
I have my circle, everything about me in my circle.
My partner or everybody else had their own circle.
All their stuff is in their circle.
Usually we like to go into their circle
and tell them how to be, how to feel,
how to think, all the things.
They do the same to us. Everybody is in power.
Nobody's owning their circle.
Nobody could, could create change by being somewhere else
that they have no power in.
The change happens from, from here.
I only have control and power from my circle.
I could only create change from here, from the things
that are mine to do.
I can't create change from over there.
I, I can't move the things.
I can't make the things happen, right?
That's somebody else's to do. So if I'm
over there, I can't do this.
And if my partner's over here, they can't do that.
And then we get stuck. So anytime
that you're not happy about
something and that you wanna address
Something, we address it from our circle.
We address it from what we need to do different,
make different requests, make the requests
in all the different ways until it clicks
and the request can be met.
There is no sense in making the same request over and over
and over and a partner doesn't get it
or they can't do it, right?
And then we then we're mad
or we tell them what to do.
This is what you should do. That, that's
what what would make me happy?
No, it doesn't work that way.
We can't tell people what to do, right?
So we can make requests in a way that our partner can hear
in honor that there's something in their wheelhouse
that is a slight stretch that they could make to meet you.
If we are asking for things that they can't do
because of their own patterns
or their their own things, reservations, like a skill, like
of whatever, what's the point?
We're setting them up to fail.
We're setting ourselves up to be disappointed, right?
We gotta be a little bit smarter than that.
And so we can't tell them what to do
and we can't make request things that they're not,
I'm gonna say capable of doing,
but that's probably too strong of a reward.
That it's too much of a stretch for them,
or they're not unable to do at this moment in time.
It might not be a hard thing, by the way.
It's not the point, right?
It could be something that's just
for some reason they can't do.
Our job is to figure out how to get our own needs met.
How do we make different requests?
How do we address our partner or invite our partner
or inspire our partner to help us get that need met so
that they could help us meet, they could,
they could join us in meeting that need.
They could be part of it,
they could do their part in it, right?
But that's a very different way of asking.
That's not imposing, demanding, controlling, manipulating,
doing all the funny business that we do, shaming, guilting,
like what we do, all this funny stuff, right?
Stop. We can't, that's not
how we create a good relationship.
And so the first thing is then
getting into our circle, minding our circles
and being careful with how we think about things
and how we express things and how we expect things.
Addressing the expectations, sharing them
co-creating a way to meet the things,
setting the proper expectations for both of us so
that we're both in alignment and
that we could serve each other.
You see, very different place.
And so from our circle, we address all those things.
Huge, very powerful.
And this is what we work on a lot, right?
And so very, very mindful of this piece.
You will go for the next one is,
the next one is to
See if we could take stack of how we give up our power,
how we disempower ourselves.
So the first one is what we just talked about, like by, um,
going in a partner circle.
That's one way to disempower ourselves
because we're not in our own circle where the power is.
But then look at things like just the everyday stuff
that we disempower ourselves
by the first thing in the morning going on our phone
and automatically giving attention to social media, all
of the things they email, what are all the things
that we give our attention to?
And we don't focus on us.
Like I was saying before, the first thing to do is
to connect with our own selves.
So we don't wanna give our power away first thing in the
morning to all things outside of ourselves,
like all the people's agendas,
helping them meet their own goals.
They're selling things,
they're finishing their work, whatever.
The first thing we do is we do their things.
So things for, for others, or we get sidetracked
and we get distracted from, from ourself.
So that's one way
that we could potentially give our power away.
How else we give our power away.
The way that we do our, the rest of the routine.
What kind of food we put in our bodies,
if we exercise or not.
Like every single choice, we are giving part of ourselves up
or we're not taking care of ourselves properly.
We're not owning ourselves, right?
So just go through your routine, your days, your life
and your interactions, the people in your life.
How do you give your power away?
What choices are you making that disempower you?
Not making a choice is a choice, you see?
So that in and of itself, so, so if people ask you,
okay, what do you wanna eat for dinner?
I don't know. You just, just empower yourself.
You, you didn't exercise your power to choose.
You might not care. So if I an intentional,
I don't know, I really don't care.
You could choose, you choose not to choose,
that's fine if it's intentional.
But if you're not being mindful
and you do all these things by default,
you're totally disempowering yourself
and you're not owning, again, your power to choose
and to have a say, right?
You're not exercising your, your freedoms and your choices.
And then the last one for this is
how do you take that power back?
So just like this, part two
and three are kind of go together, like making a list
of all the ways that you disempower yourself, how you not,
you don't exercise your power of choosing.
And then, hmm, out of all these things, if I were
to change one or two things,
or if I want to go about this thing differently
or change the order of this,
or no longer do this thing,
like taking certain apps off your phone, for example,
how like simple things, it doesn't have
to be like massive overhauls that would
gimme all this time back, that would gimme this freedom,
this would gimme that perspective.
This would gimme this peace of mind.
Oh my gosh, we took, it's so much stuff back
by taking charge of things, by being empowered,
by taking that power back.
So that's number three.
So first you're gonna make a list of all the, all the ways.
And then, then you're gonna choose a couple
and you're gonna say, okay, what do I need to do?
Practical takeaway, tangible,
that's gonna address that power leak.
So I give my power back. Good, okay, my loves.
So that's it.
That is the self-love practice.
You can put things in place to invest in yourself.
What gives you joy? What honors you?
What makes you be you more how, how,
how do you remove the patterns
and all the max so you could shine through?
What would that look like? What, what are the things
that give you joy and replenish
that light and that radiance?
And then how do you set this boundaries
by taking your power back?
So I mix, I I mix. The flavors are fully integrated.
This whole concept of self-love into the boundary
concept, right?
So they're really interwoven today.
I set this up by saying, you have two main boundaries
to set, but
so the self-love is all woven into there like realigning
with yourself and flowing from this higher purpose
and from this ownership.
Okay? So play with this
and this is an amazing weekend to, to exercise this.
You, we have more time.
There's more, more, more spaciousness to the kind of like
bask and ponder and contemplate some of these ideas.
What are our freedoms? What are our choices?
What are the things that maybe I'm blind to
because I have my head in the sand half the time?
And what are some of the things that I wanna change?
What do I need to put in place? Tiny little tweaks, right?
Like, what are some things that I could do
to totally re-empower myself, recharge, reset, realign,
nourish, and just get all juiced up in the proper
place for a better part of 2025.
Okay, beautiful people. Have a fabulous weekend,
have an amazing 4th of July
and the rest of the month have a fabulous asking freedom
month and I will see you on the next one.
Bye.